I was raised in the church. As the daughter of a minister and an organist, I mean that I was literally raised in the church. My earliest memories are of me crawling on the altar steps, hearing the choir practicing while my mom was accompanying on the organ. Every Sunday, just below the massive wooden cross, I sat next to my mom during services to turn the sheet music for her while she played. I can still smell the worn pages of the Bible my dad used to prepare for his sermons and I often wore his collar as a headband. My dad didn’t mind and he always encouraged my inquisitively playful side. It was in this environment when I was a child that I learned about a loving, forgiving God.
Family photo |
My dad conditionally
accepted me for a while, he came to my college graduation, he met a few of my
girlfriends and he even got along quite well with one of them. She was the one
I would eventually marry. In some ways, I knew she was “the one” because she
passed my father’s chicken test. Well, I guess you could technically call it a
rooster test. See, my father and my grandfather raised Bantam chickens. They
raised them for eggs but also for show at fairs. I assume it is the Ohio code
for raising chickens but for my family, they prefer to cut the comb down off
from the rooster’s head, as it shows better at the state fairs. Or, in my
opinion it was a fowl way (pun intended) to torture the poor chicken and shock
onlookers. Cutting a chicken’s comb is a bloody, precarious mess. Sure enough,
when my girlfriend used scissors to cut the comb of my father’s prized rooster
the geyser of blood shot into the air and onto shirts and faces. Without
wincing, she passed my father’s rooster test and was now one of us. For the
first time in forever, I felt close with my father and I had my soon to be
fiancé to thank for bridging the gap between us.
Beginning the Rooster Test |
My
father welcomed us on many family occasions and treated us as equals to my
stepsisters and their boyfriends. But, as soon as I told my father that we were
going to get married and that we wanted his blessing, it was as if time
reversed and I was a teenager he was admonishing for deviant behavior. He
spouted verses; he used the Bible to explain his hatred for me. I ran away from
it and from God. I didn’t think I had a choice, my father was telling me I was
no longer welcome in his home or in God’s home. This sparked a period of
atheist and agnostic musings in my life. I felt abandoned and unwelcomed in
organized religion. When I drove by churches I felt as if the people inside
were staring at me and judging me through the stone walls.
It took
me a few years of healing to bring myself to go inside the walls of a church
again. I lived my life backwards, living for things that I only hoped of and
dreamed for—not truly living within the moments God intended my life to be.
Looking back on the past I see how much passion and happiness was missing in my
life. I put myself on autopilot after plotting the course I thought would lead
me toward the “right” way to live, ignoring the truth of myself and not seeing
the only way for me to be was open and free from societal expectations and my
father’s demanding sermons. I am thankful for churches like the Metropolitan
Community Church who provide healing spaces and spiritual renewal to people who
have suffered spiritual abuse from their home churches. I also admire those
LGBT people who remain steadfast to their faith despite being ostracized from
their church. God speaks to me so profoundly and to all Christians with open
hearts seeking spiritual growth.
Wedding at First and St. Stephens UCC |
Therefore,
I want to build a welcoming place for LGBT Christians in the church. I believe
God has placed possibilities within our grasp and I have been called to act on
them in a few ways. One of my visions for reform is to initiate and be a
resource for leading my church, Zion United Church of Christ and other nearby
churches, to becoming Open and Affirming, which is a designation for
congregations that make public statements of welcome into their full life and
ministry to persons of all sexual orientations, gender identities and gender
expressions. Declaring ONA status at Zion UCC will provide a beacon of light
for LGBT people to see and know they are welcome to worship with us. This
designation will also affirm them as Christians. Moreover, completing the steps
to becoming ONA will be significant to Zion church members as well because they
will have the opportunity to engage in dialogue and study about the inclusion
of LGBT people in the church.
I think
in thunderous ways and wish to speak like lightning about the non-affirming
church’s role in excluding LGBT people from worship and from God. Today I am
disappointed to know that my father and other ministers still choose to exclude
me and all other LGBT Christians. However, the unconditional love of my Father,
my God is stronger. My prayer is to be filled with the Holy Spirit as I bring
the light of love to all who may seek it. Though my voice may just trickle like
rain, in time, it will fill the pews with loving affirmation for LGBT people in
the church and quench the seeking souls of our brothers and sisters.
In her native Maryland, Suzanne Lindsay is a veteran English and Graphic Design teacher. She is an Equity and Diversity Liaison where she teaches, and she had the privilege of repeatedly speaking and teaching at Columbia University’s National Journalism Convention. As a writer and photographer, Suzanne strives to connect her creativity with the world to communicate positive ways we can act to bridging the gap between us. Suzanne trusts that Christianity is acting on the belief that you are unconditionally loved. She believes that as Christians we’re called to demonstrate unconditional love to all through our actions as Jesus tells us in Luke 6:17-49. We are called to connect with other Christians and to demonstrate purposefully what Jesus intended for His people. We are also called to connect with others who have yet to discover the exponentially positive power Christianity can have in one’s life.
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